
Spoiler alert: This post is sad.
Soon after my brother died, I began to fear time. Everyone reassured me that only time could heal the pain, so I went along with it. But deep down, it was my enemy, each day taking me further away from my only brother. I feared I would forget him….
And here we are, 11 years later. I realize that I never had anything to fear. He will never be forgotten. It’s as John Steinbeck said in To a God Unknown:
“Life cannot be cut off quickly. One cannot be dead until the things he changed are dead. His effect is the only evidence of his life. While there remains even a plaintive memory, a person cannot be cut off, dead. And he thought, ‘It’s a long slow process for a human to die. We kill a cow, and it is dead as soon as the meat is eaten, but a man’s life dies as a commotion in a still pool dies, in little waves, spreading and growing back toward stillness.’”
I cherish the memories I have of Clint, even the bad ones like us fighting in the driveway after school, him throwing a handful of gravel at my face, busting my nose and locking me out of the house.
I still laugh when I remember he, my mother and I playing Scrabble and Clint saying confidently, “I almost spelled dinosaur.” He wasn’t even close. Needless to say, he lost that game.
*******************************
“When you look at the stars, you’re seeing history in the present,” he said cruising down the road under a sky littered with stars.
“Yeah?” was all my thirteen-year-old brain could think to say/ask, torn between comprehension and disbelief.
“It takes years upon years for their light to shine through and meet our eyes. That star,” he pointed, touching the windshield with no specific star in mind, slightly swerving, “it could have already extinguished by now…”
“Hard to believe we can see light that no longer has a source,” I said.
“Yeah, also why buying stars is a bad investment…” he chuckled, conversation closed.
And that was Clint.
Time does indeed help, but it doesn’t destroy the essence of who a person was. I still miss him every single day, but I never, ever will forget him. He’s like a star in my life that will shine on, long after extinguished.
So I ask you, please, so we can keep his star shining, if you have a memory of Clint, leave it as a comment below. Let this be an interactive post, a place where we can share with one another how he touched our lives.
Thank you so very much.
I have so many fun memories of Clint. Ironically most of them involved Grandma Minnie too. I remember laying on top of each other on our way to Ocean City and hearing him make all the different engine sounds of all the different construction match box cars he brought with him. I remember wrestling in the basement of grandma and grandpa’s house after Thanksgiving dinner and any time someone yelled down at us he was the first to say “we’re just playing.” I remember shooting BB guns at pop cans trying to see who could hit from the furthest away. I remember watching him driving grandpa’s tractor around and thinking that I can do that, which quickly lead to me crashing it into the fence and taking out some of grandpa’s strawberry’s.
His comment to you about stars being a bad investment was the typical bit of knowledge he would drop that was always so simple yet so profound when we were younger.
Ooooo Ocean City vacations. See, like I said, we can now even look at the “vacation from hell” with fond memories. Thanks for this memory Gav. We had good times…good times.
Kendal this is such a great blog. Every year I think back to that day and I still can’t believe it. Though I have no brothers i always felt like Clint was and that you my little sister. Growing up I have so many fond memories of you guys. From riding bikes, playing in the woods, and hide and seek (even the one i would like to forget) . Even back to the time when i had the biggest crush on Clint and would leave him love notes on his pillow..lol. Growing up with you guys was the greatest! I honestly believe that he has been looking down on you ever since that day and even though it was hard and still is i know that he would be so proud of the woman that you have become!! As someone who has been around for awhile and seen you through this tough time, reading this blog brought tears to my eyes just remembering how you felt then and how you have grown! Clint will always be a part of my life and my thoughts as will you, Mar, and Big Char…
He was your brother. He loved you and Jess so very much…much like I do. Thanks for the memory!!!
What beautiful words and picture! I cannot believe it has been 11 years. People who were truly loved can never be forgotten. Your brother definitely falls under that category.
Thank you!! He will most certainly never be forgotten…
While I never had the opportunity and honor to meet Clint, I know *you* inside and out, and can only assume that, if he was your brother? He had to, without a doubt, be one of the raddest, baddest, most amazing people to ever have lived. I know he was.
Love you, K.
And love you, too, C! Just because. And also because if you were here, I’d totally force you into being my brother on Facebook, since Kendal is my sister. :)
O he was one of the raddest. lol, he would totes be your Facebook brother!! <3
You made me cry…it’s a day I’ll never forget…I remember wondering how we would all survive the loss…sobbing all the way to Williamstown. It was a life changer for me. Seeing the way your Mom and Dad handled it with such peace and grace… I knew then that it was the peace that could only come from a relationship with God….a peace beyond all understanding…it helped stregthen my faith and drew me closer to my Lord. I “ll never forget sleeping with you that night and you told me you felt bad because you referred to him as asshole more than Clint and I tried to be reassuring and tell you that was normal for a brother and sister at your ages. Clint was something…he sure could push one’s buttons….he gave meaning to the word argumentative. Looking back I feel he was just such a capable young man and was so frustrated because of the limitations his youth caused him. He was finally coming into his own…driving…getting a job. A life cut short…but always remembered. I love you and my sister Marla and yes Charlie too. You are one of my girls…a blessing. Love you, Aunt reba
I think we all wondered how we would survive, but here we are eh? I love you so much and you are one of my most favorite people in this world Reba… <3
I loved reading this! I was just telling my friend here that i can remember his voice when i would call your house, “um, hold on i’ll get her for ya” or how he would rub his temples after the tree accident to think about his homework, riding four wheelers with him and Matt, playing chicken and cops and robbers in the pool, which i almost always kicked in the goodies on accident haha…We played chicken in the front yard, why? I don’t know bc now i have a scar on my knee from falling on the side walk which now i love the scar! I think about him a lot, he was supposed to marry Aleda so we could really be sisters like we had planned lol. We used to get mad bc Mike and Clint got the couch in Sunday school and we had to sit on the hard chairs all because they were older! I remember how he walked, how he dressed, his smile and laugh, he even had beautiful hands for a man, and his obsession with Garth Brooks ill never forget that! My last memory of him is you and I playing monopoly with him in his room on that card table you guys always used for puzzles, i ran out of money and he said if i kissed him he would give me money and i wouldn’t do it bc he was ur brother. I havent played Monopoly since. You guys were getting along so good before he passed, i remember him coming in ur room and just hanging out with us when i would stay, just to talk and be with us. I miss him but im glad i got the time that i had with him and to know him and be a part of his life and have him a part of mine, and his memory will never leave me. Your family has been in my life since we were 3 and you always will be a part of my family!!
I am so very happy for you and Felix, but I’m pretty sure, you two would have married. We would have been sisters. But what is meant to be will be. Thanks for the memories!!! I LOVE YOU!!!!
This is beautiful, Kendal. I remember my mom babysitting you both and playing “Legends of the Hidden Temple,” among many other games. I remember his smile and laugh, and even how he let us put makeup on him! I was a sophomore in college in 2001 and I remember the exact place I was when I found out he had passed. Your family has handled his loss with such strength and grace, it is a testament to the rest of us for how to deal with grief. The years may pass, but he won’t be forgotten.
Legends of the Hidden Temple!!! That’s like a memory that defines my youth! haha. We had a good time and thank you for your kind words. <3
Kendall I’ve been organizing pictures and have come across some of Clint when he and Adam went to the same sitter (Carolyn Parsons). I’ll never forget picking Adam up after work one day and Carolyn met me at the door and said “Don’t be mad, but something happened today”. Scared the crap out of me and it turned out that Clint had bit Adam and left a huge bruise on his arm. She thought I would be really mad but I thought it was probably deserved because Adam was going through a biting stage at that time and Clint probably did it in self defense. Haha! I think of Clint often and my heart aches for you, Marla and Charlie. You all have been so strong through this and I admire you for it. I remember the funeral like it was yesterday. Adam & I came together and it was the first funeral Adam had ever been to. He had a really hard time with it. This blog is a great tribute to Clint and your a very good sister for doing it. Hope you get alot of memories added to it. God bless, Cathy Harlow
Haha, Clint was definitely a defender. I bore the brunt of a lot of that. Thanks for the memories!!!
I remember our last Sat. afternoon, he had been very busy and was resting before he had to go to his job at Shoney’s. He stretched out in the recliner and it tipped backwards, all you could see were feet sticking up in the air. It was so funny—had to help him out of that situation. He was planning on going to Richie county after work and spending the night in the travel trailor with Matt so they could listen for turkeys in the morning. When it was time for him to leave for work, I walked him out to the car because I wanted to give him my cell phone to have with him. I gave him a mini lecture on how he should not ever start smoking cigarettes , told him I loved him and to be careful ,and we said our good byes there. I went inside and stood at the door and watched as that old blue land cruiser drove out of sight and I said a little prayer asking God to keep him safe. That was the last time I ever saw him. I think of him every day, several times a day most days and I miss him very much. He was at a good place in his life, driving, working, and with that independence he had yearned for his whole life, he was happy. Thanks for this blog Kendal, it’s beautiful and it’s so nice to read the memories. I could go on and on…….love you so much.
I can’t really reply to this because I can’t see the keyboard through my tears. I love you so much mother and you are the reason I am strong enough to keep going, to keep living life to the fullest. You mean the world to me…the absolute world.
Marla J is the reason many of us are strong enough to keep going. Her and Charlie’s witness to where they draw their strength changed/influenced more people than they could possible be aware of.
Oh for heaven sake Red, I am reading this at work crying. I’m sure the people around me think I am crazy or something. I love you guys!
I remember how good he was at table sliding! I remember how he tolerated the “little kids”. I remember what a respectful young man he was. You’re right Kendal…he will live on in our hearts….
You know, I had completely forgotten about table sliding?!?!?! THANKS for reviving such a great memory! He was a good one for sure. <3
I remember being one of those “little kids.”
I remember watching him and my brother “singing” in Christmas plays at church, both of them dueling each other. They were screaming so loud you couldn’t understand what they were saying. I also remember the table sliding and football games on the front lawn of the church. We were all so blessed to know Clint. I often wonder who he would be today, but most of the time I just look at your dad and I know. The strong silent type, more knowledge than the world gives them credit for, rough exterior, but inside a teddy bear with a heart of gold. One of those people who don’t say much, but when they do, everyone stops and listens.
Those boys hated those plays! haha. I completely agree with you about Clint…Charlie junior. THanks for the memories. That’s a beautiful thing you said both about my father and my brother. <3
I have to agree…..I think of Clint every time I look at your father. Way to nail it Mary!
If there was one thing that stands out in my memory of Clint was his beautiful smile. Maybe he didn’t want to do what was asked of him, but he smiled and did it anyway. I am thankful to have watched him grow to the young gentleman he was when God took him home.
And to think, I had to get 17 teeth pulled to get the smile I now have. He never had anything done and it was just that, a beautiful smile… <3
Me, Nate and Clint were going to the YMCA to “pump some iron and bulk up for the chicks”. Once we got there (after our warmup) we decided it was too nice of a day to be inside exercising, so we thought we would go for a ride in the landcruiser and smoke the finest Winston cigarettes. At that point, impressing the girls didn’t seem so important anymore, it was just enjoying the company and the ride. Now those were the good ol’ days :)
haha, I think Clint always wondered why he couldn’t be like Nate and have a cool brother like you rather than some bratty sister. He loved you two Hall boys… <3
I just can’t believe these perfect young men would do something like this!!! Isn’t it wonderful to have a memory like this to hang on to during the rough times?
I loved your brother! He was always so quiet and layed back. He had home room with me in Mrs.Maloneys room and I remember him and a couple other guys locking her in the storage closet! Another time Nicole Lemon and I thought we would play a joke on Clint and we gave him baking chocolate from Mrs.Maloney’s baking cabinet and told him it was a Hershey bar! Lol-his reaction when he bit into it was hilarious. I also remember in 6th grade when we had sex ed, listening to your brother make fun of all the videos we had to watch during lunch. I could probably go on and on with memories, but these really stand out to me! I think about him all the time. He was one of the nicest guys in my class and I never knew anyone who did not like him! How lucky you are to have had such a great older brother. You have such a wonderful family and Clint was proof of that!
I was just starting to hang out with Clint, with Eric and Nate… then the day came and i didn’t get to know him that well, So i don’t have any real memories with him…I’m Sure if he were still with us we could have gotten closer and had a good friendship between all of us…So now he looks down upon his loved ones to give them courage and to guide them to live life to the fullest.. Hope everything is going great for you Kendal….
The night Clint…aka…Moon Baby was born I will never forget. Marla is my best friend in the world and because Charlie was working out of town, she asked me to stand in and be her lamaze coach. The night he was born Marla was at our house and I asked her almost begging that she stay there because the moon was so full I just knew she was going into labor that night…she said naaaaa I’ll just go home, it’ll be alright and she laughed. Sure enough 2am she called me and said “Well I think I’m in labor”. I dressed like a maniac and jumped in my car and headed to her house. When I got there she was calmly sweeping the floor…still in her night coat!!! I said ” come onnnnnn” She said she wanted to take a shower first. I sat, stood, paced etc…..Finally we were in the car heading to the hospital….halfway there the gas light came on and I thought to myself there is no way I’m gonna mention that little fact…hehe We arrived at the hospital on fumes…then I told her…we both laughed.
I remember every moment of going through that experience….and then this beautiful, howling little baby boy arrived letting all the world know it!! I will never ever forget that special moment I spent with my best friend and her baby boy.
Kendal this is such a beautiful tribute to Moon Baby. You have grown into such an accomplished, beautiful, and loving young woman….I couldn’t be more proud of who you have become and I can’t wait to see what is yet to come. As for Clint….the lord had a reason for taking him home to be with him and it is not for us to question…I am sure he is smiling down on you, Marla, Charlie and all of those who loved him. When you think of Clint….remember all those moments that make you smile and laugh and it will keep your heart smiling too….all my love….Aunt Pam
I too am reading this at work, crying! Gah! Should have saved this one for home. However, I will never forget him being out on the four wheeler/motor bike ( i forget which one it actually was) one afternoon. He was being a boy brother this day and we had to stay inside. The windows of your house were open, and nobody else was home. We took it upon ourselves to turn on some Green Day and blast it as loud as we could. We jumped around and danced on his bed, ran around the house like crazy ladies, naturally, enjoying the sweet smell of summer time come through your windows. In between songs you could hear the boys on their rides, buzzing by the house. After your mom came home from work, Clint came in for the night and we had dinner. He would always have red cheeks when he came in from being outside. You could always smell the outdoors and sweat on him from being out there enjoying life.
Cant forget that blue land cruiser either!
I LOVE YOU MONTGOMERY FAMILY! You ALL are always always always in my heart!
I have lots of wonderful memories of Clint and his family as well. I will never forget how sweet, funny, honest, caring and friendly he was. I wish he was still here. He was the type of friend that would talk to you about anything at anytime. I spesifically remember his teeth and smile and nice hands. I thought he had perfect white shiney teeth. I think about Clint and I can see him smiling back at me. He was a beautiful person on the inside and out thats why God took him. He is a beautiful angel!
Very nice, Kendal. I also find strength in the faith and grace of you guys. It was always great to see the cousins at Pap and Grandma’s. When I think of Clint- he’s a quite, laid back, goof ball. I can see his smile and hear his voice. It’s a honor to have you as cousins. I’m sure he’s quite proud of you, Kendal. Love you.
Emily
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